Am I right or what? Part 2: John Boehner

You know what really chafes my privates?  The way John Boehner pronounces his name.  In case you haven't heard of him, he's the current Speaker of the House, a position held until recently by Nancy Pelosi.  It seems I can't turn on the news without seeing him and hearing the retarded way he pronounces his name. 

John Boehner is a member of the Republican party, but that's not the only kind of member he is.  He's gone to great lengths to ensure people pronounce his name 'Bayner' instead of 'boner.'  I don't know where he gets off changing the proper pronunciation of his name, but he seems like kind of a tool.  I don't know much about his policies, but he has the kind of douche-y face that kind of makes you want to punch him:

"He had a face only my fist could love"

And it's not just me.  Apparently, he's such a dick, he even got his own Dickipedia entry.  Just look at the gavel he chose:

No, I'm not overcompensating for anything, why do you ask?

He even puts the douchenozzles from the Jersey Shore to shame with his tan.

Tell me I'm wrong

He needs to stop pronouncing his last name 'Bayner', and insisting everyone else do the same.  Here's the reasoning:

I'm pretty well traveled, having visited many cultures and learned several languages, even achieving fluency in a couple of them, and in all of my travels and language studies, never have I ever seen the combination 'oe' even come close to being pronounced 'ay'. 

His Wikipedia page says he's of German and Irish descent, and I'm fairly certain 'Boehner' is German.  German happens to be one of the languages I know, and I'm pretty sure it's not pronounced 'Bayner'.  In fact, if I'm not mistaken, it's spelled Böner in German, and the closest pronunciation in English would be 'Berner' or 'Buurner'. 

The only language I know of that pronounces the letter combination 'OE' as 'AY' is Korean.  For example, the Korean last name 최 is spelled Ch-o-i (choi), but pronounced 'chay'.  That is the ONLY language I know of that has that rule.  And even though he's doing a fairly decent job of changing his skin color from white to leather due to repeated visits to the tanning salon, he will never be Korean.

So, Mr Speaker of the House, please, stop trying to reject your heritage, accept your true name, and next time you're behind the podium, stand up with an erect posture and a stiff upper lip and announce to America and the world: "I am John Boner."

No matter how much it hurts