Am I right or what? Part 1

You know what really chafes my privates?  The British system of measuring anything.

Who the hell thought it'd be a good idea?  I'm talking about everything from distances (inches, miles) to volume (gallons) to temperature (Fahrenheit), though that one sounds suspiciously German.

None of those units make any sense.  12 inches to a foot.  5,280 feet in a mile.  Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212.  What.  The.  Fuck?

The metric system is so much simpler.  Everything's based on 10.  100 centimeters in a meter.  1000 meters in a kilometer.  Water freezes at 0 and boils at 100.  If you haven't noticed, water's all around us.  Most of our bodies are 65% water, unless you're like me, in which case you're mostly muscle, nerves and hyperactivity.

Who do we have to thank for this monstrosity?  Oh, right, the British.  They just had to be different.  The same people who, up until 1971, divided their unit of currency, the pound, into 21 shillings and further into 12 pence.  How are you supposed to calculate anything with that?  It's a wonder their entire banking system didn't collapse.  Fortunately for them, they reverted to the metric system in the 70s, divided the pound into 100 pence, and started using grams and liters instead of pints and ounces.  Now if they would only undo the damage they've caused to the world by driving on the left side of the road.

According to Wikipedia, 76 "countries, territories and dependencies" still adhere to this insanity, most, if not all of them, may I add, former colonies of the redcoats.  There's a reason it's called driving on the 'right' side of the road.  Get with the program, (insert derogatory term for British people here).

The Brits even started the whole "we're better than all of you, so we won't bother to learn another language" which Americans so dutifully follow.  For some reason I really wanted to use the word gleefully there (instead of dutifully), though we aren't actually super happy about most of us just being able to speak a single language.

Would a better term be "sheepfully"?  As in, following like sheep?  Does a word with an equivalent meaning even exist?  If not, I call dibs on it, Webster.  You all bore testament to this word's creation and they'll have to pay me royalties if it finds its way into the public vernacular and they ever decide to include it in their fancy dictionaries.

America, we've declared our independence from the snaggle-toothed empire.  We invented Baconnaise.  We've created the greatest nation on Earth, and even taught the world the joys of carbon dating and the Cleveland steamer, but can't seem to overcome this final shackle.  I implore you all to write your Congressman (or is it congressperson?) and ask that the lingering British oppression be banned once and for all. 

There would be growing pains, sure, but as with the advent of any new technology, the world will be better off for it.

EDIT: I looked it up, and yes, Fahrenheit was indeed created by a Kraut, named Daniel Fahrenheit. 

A Google image search returned this picture:

This ghey

Very original, naming the system after yourself. By the way, you suck.  The only reason I don't dig you up and kick your ass is because you invented the thermometer.  And because your Wikipedia page refuses to give up any pertinent information about you, including what you look like.  They would have the world believe you look like this:

He's gotta be hiding behind one of those curtains

You win this time, Danny.