Lord of the Fly Kills

It's starting to get warmer, and with the warm weather comes something very annoying - flies.  And tons of them.

They're everywhere; buzzing around outside frolicking with the fly ladies, savoring the tasty garbage heaps and raw sewage, and generally being a nuisance.  The flies have even infiltrated my office, and they are seriously annoying.  They buzz around your head and land on your face and they're driving us crazy.  Over the past 3 days I think we've killed close to 100.  At first, we kept track on a whiteboard, but got tired of that after about 35 kills. 

Anyway, so today I was prowling the office with a rolled up magazine looking for the few remaining stragglers (until the door opens and reinforcements pour in to take their places).  On my way around the office, I stopped by one room and addressed one of my co-workers:

(This was in a southern drawl, so you're going to have to sound it out for full effect) 

"Howdy, ma'am.  I'm just on the prowl for some escaped convicts.  Are yew folks harborin' any fugitives?  Ya'll know it's a felony to shelter the flies?"

For some reason she just bursts out laughing.  Maybe because that accent's just ridiculous if you're not wearing a cowboy hat?

"Ma'am, this is serious.  These pesky criminals are a serious health and mental wellness risk to the whole office, have you seen 'em?"

She's wasn't very helpful, so I continued the search on my own.  I finally encountered one of the bastards at rest, and as I snuck up behind it, it was blissfully ignorant to the world of pain that was about to happen.

Pictured: a world of pain

Just before I smacked it into mush (come to think of it, we're really going to need to start cleaning the fly guts off the walls, ceilings, printers and... you know what?, probably the entire office), I murmured: "I'm going to teach you that it is NOT ok to be a fly."

Here's the aftermath:

Myatt Daaamon.

 I swear the placement was unintentional.  I guess Matt Damon just really wanted to headbutt a fly.