Adventures in tax land, or first world problems, if you prefer

In the past, I've had issues with my taxes.  Mostly because I was so eager to file and get some money back, I would file right when I got my W-2, not anticipating the other documents that tended to come in later.  And in what's fast becoming a yearly tradition, I'd have to go back to the tax center and file an amendment.  This year was no different.

At the end of last year, I said to myself that I'd wait to file until I had ALL the documents.  I mean, I wasn't hurting for money.  I didn't have any debts that needed to be paid off, or any large purchases I needed to make.  This year, I'd do the adult thing and wait until I had all the right papers before filing my tax return.  I was expecting my bank, USAA, to send me a bunch of documents all at once at the beginning of the year, and true to form, they dutifully did.  By the way, this has nothing to do with the post, but I absolutely love USAA and have everything with them: banking, insurance, investments, everything.  Just wanted to throw that in there.

Anyway, I also knew to expect a late-comer to the finish line this year, another W-2 for the money I had received due to my move cross-country.  So I finally got that straggler, and made my way over to the local H&R Block on a Saturday morning at the beginning of February.

This was a tax filing day of many firsts.  This was the first year that my life circumstances were making me feel lost and alone, and my usual crystal clear vision of the future was hazed over with fear and doubt because of what I'm currently going through at the hands of the military (they're just doing their job, but my life kind of sucks right now, and I may or may not share the story with you when it's all over).  This was also the first time I had ever paid for a tax return.

Now, normally I just take my return to the military tax center on base and file for free, but this year I had all kinds of complications, such as stock dividends, interest, and living outside of my state of residence for part of the year, so I figured I'd let someone who had been playing the game for years take a look.

They ended up getting me about $4800 back, which more than made up for the exorbitant $236 fee they charged for filing with them.  Now, $4800 may sound like a lot, but most of it was from a re-enlistment bonus, of which the government had helpfully held on to like 40% so I wouldn't spend it all in one place and would be able to pay the taxes I owed at the end of the year.  About 2 weeks after filing, I received my expected federal refund, and waited patiently for the state refund.  I'm still waiting.

It's been 2 months and still no word.  As of this post, I have yet to receive my money, probably because California is broke, or because my tax return paperwork was a complete clusterfuck of state-to-state movings and me trying to deduct stuff like rubber bands, inflatable sheep and flamboyant kilts as 'business expenses'.  The window-lickers at the IRS never knew what hit them.  Probably.

Anyway, that's not even the most frustrating part of this angry white boy rant.  Last November, when the stock market was taking a dysentery diarrhea shit all over everyone, stocks were sliding downhill at an alarming rate due to said shit's viscosity.  Fearing a repeat of the 2007 debacle in which people lost half their net worth, I sold about a third of my equities, and crossed my fingers.  And, my luck being what it is, whadya know, I sold out at the worst possible time, and 2 days later, the stock market started climbing back up and never looked back.  But...even though I'd lost money, I had still made some over the year, and would have to pay taxes on those earnings.

So about a week ago, in fucking March, my bank sends me another dividend statement saying I owe taxes on like 900 dollars in stock gains.  This is like 7 weeks after I had prudently waited and got all my papers in order before filing.

So, tradition dictates that I'll have to go back and file an amendment, damn it.  I'm going on Friday.  Wish me luck.

The End.