Fatty McBouncerface

I went to a bar the other night with my roommate and his girlfriend, and as we went in, the obese lady sitting behind the front counter asked to see our IDs.  My roommate and I both presented ours without incident, but the girlfriend had hers in one of those clear plastic windows some wallets have, which displeased the meat wagon, who snapped at her that she needed to take the ID out and give it to her. 

Someone woke up on the wrong side of the reinforced bed this morning

I had already turned away, and didn't catch what happened next, but a few seconds later, I saw Her Ponderosity give the ID back and ask combatively if there was a problem.  With a puzzled expression, the girlfriend said "no?" and the butterball said "I didn't think so," as if she dared girlfriend to say something.  The malice in her voice was unexpected, and pissed us all off.  Of course, since there was a corpulent female cop sitting next to her, we weren't about to say anything, because we wanted to avoid any trouble.

Both of you

When we were out of earshot, we tried to figure out just what the hell she had done to anger the Beast.  We came up with no logical explanation and resorted instead to insulting her.  The insults ranged from everything from base name calling (all revolving around her figure) to questioning the reasons for her attitude:

Me: Well maybe she was abused as a child and resorted to stuffing her face to dull the pain.
Roommate and Girlfriend: I fucking hope so.

Girlfriend was still fuming a few minutes later, until I told her:

"I may die alone, but she's going to die fat and alone.  Does that make you feel any better?"

Girlfriend: Wow, surprisingly, yes, it does.

And all was well with the world.